What To Do When Your Feedback Doesn’t Land

An excellent article by Lara Hogan. My favorite part:

We’re going to have to lean into the discomfort of this moment here. I’m sorry!

It might feel easier to avoid this awkward conversation, or simply trust that the feedback has landed. But moving forward without triple-checking that you’re on the same page wouldn’t be fair to your teammate. As you said, we want to make sure there’s no surprises about what’s expected of them and their behavior going forward.

First off, you have permission to plainly state the facts of the moment: you’re not sure if your feedback has landed, and it’s important that it does.

What to do when your feedback doesn’t land by Lara Hogan

I’ve come to discover this tactic of naming the feeling and then intentionally pausing extremely valuable, not just in this situation. Whenever the conversation gets challenging or tense or it feels like conflict will erupt, I’ve found it effective to name that fear or worry and then stop.

It tends to defuse and clarify.

Monday Links

  1. Feeling like a victim is a perfectly disastrous way to go through life. Choice quote from Viktor Frankl (who survived the Holocaust): When we are no longer able to change a situation—just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer—we are challenged to change ourselves.
  2. Systems vs. Goals. This one has taken me some time to come around to, but I’m convinced of it now.
  3. Some interesting thoughts on what Elon is planning with twitter; my favorite quote: Liberalism in the Obama era was an essentially dynamist enterprise not because liberals were absolutely committed to capital-S Science but because those years encouraged a confidence that the major technological changes of the 21st century were making the world a more liberal place. Whether it was social media shaking Middle Eastern autocrats, the Obama campaign running circles around its Republican opponents with online organizing or just the general drift leftward on social issues that seemed to accompany the internet revolution, progressives around 2010 felt a general confidence that technological and political progress were conjoined. This rings true to me. One of the questions it raises is whether or not opinions ventured on social media are upstream or downstream from mainstream opinion. I tend to believe they’re locked in a feedback loop, which I find even scarier.
  4. There are too many scams in higher education (well, really, one big scam)
  5. The optimal line length for online articles is 50 to 75 characters

Things I like right now

It’s a gray and chilly Saturday night so you get to read about some of my recent favorite things.

Books I’m reading, or have recently finished:

  1. Eon by Greg Bear – I found this on BookBub and I’m loving it so far. It’s a great science fiction book about a mysterious asteroid that arrives in the solar system. I bought it because years ago I read a few Greg Bear Star Wars novels and recognized his name.
  2. On Quality: An Inquiry into Excellence: Unpublished and Selected Writings by Robert and Wendy Pirsig. A collection of Robert Pirsig’s writing, some of which has never been published, compiled by his wife. If you’re a fan of Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, give it a read.
  3. Leadership Is Language by L. David Marquet. I am a huge fan of David Marquet’s leadership style, including both his Greatness video and his first book, Turn the Ship Around. (If you’ve never heard of either of those, I highly, highly recommend giving the short video a watch. It’s well worth your time.) This book fleshes out some of his ideas and provides excellent examples.

Random other things

  1. YNAB (You Need A Budget). Honestly, I don’t know how I lived this long without a tool like YNAB. Admittedly it’s taken me quite awhile to figure out my system, but it’s a game changer for managing your weekly/monthly budget. This podcast episode does a great job of talking about the best way to use it. I have a widget on iOS that displays exactly how much I have left, at all times, in a few different budget categories. It’s great.
  2. Paprika Recipe Manager for Mac/iPhone/iPad. This is probably one of the most used apps on my Mac. I scan all of my recipes into it, and I use it as my grocery list. It does a terrific job of intelligently parsing out a recipe’s details from the noisy, ad-ridden filth that is modern recipe websites.
  3. Potential for iOS and Android – I came across this app a few months back and joined as one of their very first paying customers. I love the design and the philosophy behind it. I use their widgets as Home Screen replacements on my iPhone and it’s gone a long way towards reducing my screen time and increasing my mindfulness of my use of social media and other apps.
  4. Kindle Voyage – I bought this kindle in 2014 (!) and apparently Amazon discontinued it in 2018. I can’t believe I’ve had it that long. It’s lightweight, has a flush screen w/ capacitive buttons for page turning (on both sides of the screen), and lasts forever (apparently!). I’ve come to understand apparently some of the Voyage’s design features have made it into subsequent kindle models but honestly I am terrified of the day this thing dies because I like the design so much. How many other devices can you use for 8 years without fail?
  5. Things for Mac/iPhone After 9 years I finally stopped with the paper bullet journal. This app has replaced it. I like the design and usability the most. It feels like a lightweight app but has just enough sophisticated features to keep me using it. I use some recurring todos every day to keep myself accountable and make heavy use of future scheduling.
  6. GoRails – Come for the content, stay for the community. If you’re in the rails world, you definitely know about this resource. But if you haven’t yet joined the Discord community, you’re missing out. I’m far more plugged into the rails world than I was a few years ago, and it’s party due to this community. Helpful, friendly, and educational.

That’s it. Hope you enjoyed this list. If you think you have something I’d be interested in trying out, please send it to me on twitter @dpaola2 .

Have a great week.